


Spin the Idiot

by banesarchangel



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking, High School, M/M, Spin the Bottle, Whoops I'm kissing my best friend who i actually have a crush on, idiots being idiots, if only they'd just talk, no one wants to kiss jace, oops it turned into a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-07-24 22:09:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20021821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banesarchangel/pseuds/banesarchangel
Summary: “Tonight, was fun,” Alec mumbled shuffling closer to Magnus making him suddenly very aware.“It was, you definitely surprised me.” Magnus mused.“In good ways, I hope.”Magnus bit his lip, if only he knew it was always in a good way.“Wakey, wakey, sleepy heads we are all playing spin the bottle,” Helen yelled as their group came and settled down around the coffee table.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just another friends to lovers fic no one asked for
> 
> If you want to live-tweet on twitter use the hashtag #SpintheIdiotFic 
> 
> I'm on twitter, banesarchangel

There was a sudden knock at his door, loud enough to be heard over the soft hum of music he was listening to.

“What mum?” Magnus yelled.

“Not your mother,” Maia said appearing from behind his door.

“Oh, hey, what are you doing here?”

“We are going out, and you are coming with us.”

Magnus frowned. He really didn’t like going out especially on a school night. Some people may call him boring, but he calls it being responsible. Especially because he needs to keep his grades up if wants any chance at that scholarship to Columbia in two years’ time.

“No, no, no, I know that look,” Maia started towards him reaching for his laptop and moving it out of his way. “You’re about to say no, but I’m not letting you say no.” She couldn’t force him if he didn’t want to go. And he really didn’t want to go.

“C’ mon we are all going. Alec, Izzy, Si, Helen, Aline, Clary, and Jace, come on it’s been so long since it been all of us together.” Maia pleaded her eyes growing wide like a puppy.

“What are all of you doing anyway?” He asked curious, it still wasn’t yes though.

“Just some drinks between friends, nothing major.” She persisted. “C’ mon get up, homework can wait one more day.” He begged to differ.

A familiar voice yelled from downstairs telling them to hurry up. Followed by Alec appearing in his room not long after asking what was going on, they needed to go. Magnus caught himself instantly smiling and stopped himself.

Maia always told him whenever he’s around Alec he lights up, that’s not true, he’s just his friend, he’s allowed to smile at his friend.

“Magnus, you are coming?” Alec asked.

Maybe he could go, he could just leave early and get back and finish the essay that was due next week.

“Yeah, of course, let me just put on a change of clothes.” As he stood up, he caught the knowing look in Maia’s eyes like this was her plan all along.

“Awesome,” Alec beamed. “See you downstairs.” Alec left and Maia followed but not before she said, “Works every time.” Magnus poked his tongue at her on her way out.

It was no secret Magnus had a gigantic crush on Alec. They’d been best friends since Magnus moved to Alicante High two years ago. In fact, Alec was his first friend, well he classes him as his first friend.

On his first day, he had stupidly forgotten to remember a pen, or he just couldn’t find it. Feeling flustered he was about to ask the teacher for one and risk embarrassment on his first day but a knight and shining armour came to his rescue.

Alec with his soft welcoming smile leaned over and placed one on his desk, Magnus had said he’d give it back after class but Alec told him to keep it.

The whole way through his first-class he wanted to eagerly ask him what his name was but was feeling too shy. Just as he was exiting the room Alec slipped up beside him and said, “I’m Alec by the way,”

“Magnus,”

“Nice to meet you, see you around yeah?”

Magnus could only manage a nod back being completely taken by his beauty. The boy’s eyes being in a league of their own. Their own galaxy of colours. Hazels, honey, and specks of amber among some of them. He was gone from that day onwards and continued to fall for him every day afterwards.

Speaking of falling, he was falling now, not into Alec’s arms sadly but onto the floor. It seemed daydreaming about his first meeting with his stunning best friend didn’t work so well, especially when trying to put on pants causing him to trip. To make things worse he knocked a bunch of stuff off his shelf as tried to steady himself, but it was a lost cause and eventually, he gave up letting the floor consume him.

Magnus lay there contemplating his life. At least there was no one to relish in his clumsiness. Catching his breath after being winded he went to pull himself up but froze.

“Are you okay?” That soft voice he knew so well sounded in his room. “Magnus?” It came again. “We heard a loud bang, you’re not dead, are you?” No, but he wished it right now. “Oh?” Alec came in to view stopping when he saw him on the ground his pants tangled at his feet. He could tell Alec was trying to suppress his laughter.

“Yes, yes I know so funny,”

Alec looked back at him with a tongue-in-cheek smile that curses him looked so adorable. He wasn’t allowed to look adorable while he was a mess on the floor.

He stepped closer, “Need a hand?”

Reluctantly, Magnus took it and quickly pulled his pants up. God this was embarrassing.

“May I ask, how did you even manage that?” Alec asked amused. It was nice to see he took so much pleasure from his suffering.

Playing with his wrist that hurt a little, he replied. “Just clumsy I guess.”

“I’m just glad you are okay, it was quite the loud bang,” sadly it was the only kind of banging that would happen in this room.

Alec frowned. “You are okay, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, just a wounded ego,”

Alec stepped closer brushing a piece of hair that’d fallen across his eyes. “Well, now that I know you’re not dead, I’ll leave you to it,” he paused with a smirk in his eye. “Unless you think you might break your arm putting on your jacket.”

Rolling his eyes Magnus shoved him lightly, “Very funny. Get lost idiot.”

“Be safe,” Alec winked before turning and leaving his room. A wide blush spreading a long Magnus’ puffed cheeks in his absence.

........

Magnus could hear the bass as they made their way up Jace’s driveway and that’s when it dawned on him this wasn’t just a friend’s thing, this was a party. Feeling betrayed he turned to Maia with an unimpressed scowl. Judging by her guilty smile she knew what this was about.

Sheepishly she said. “You wouldn’t have come if I told you what it really was,” 

“Yeah because you know I hate parties,” More than that he hated the overcrowded stuffy rooms and overbearing loud music, it was easy for it all to overwhelm him with his social anxiety.

Alec stepped up beside him throwing one arm around him in a friendly grasp. “Do you want to leave?” If he went now, he knew he would be disappointing all his friends. He hated being the disappointment.

“I’m sorry,” Maia apologised, she looked genuine. “I just wanted to spend time with you.”

Exasperated, Magnus sighed. “I’ll stay, but not for long.”

Maia beamed running up and kissing him on the cheek. “Thank you, I promise you won’t regret it.”

“I won’t leave your side,” Alec whispered at his side. He had to admit that made him feel somewhat better.

They continued up the pathway to Jace’s and he greeted them at the door swinging it open already looking drunk. Dear God, could he really do this?

Alec paused before walking in after everyone and looked at him seriously. “If you want to leave just tell me at any time, okay, I don’t want you to feel forced to stay.” Why did he have to say things like this? It just made him want to kiss him senseless. Instead of doing that he nodded back.

“Let’s have some fun, yeah?”

Surprisingly, he did have fun and Alec didn’t leave his side the whole night, he could have if he wanted to and Magnus told him so many times, but Alec always told him he was fine, saying “I want to spend time with you, idiot.” So, Magnus didn’t dispute it any further.

There were games of beer pong but instead of beer they used punch, and as the games continued the games got longer as their aim started to suffer from the amount of alcohol they had consumed.

Eventually deciding they’d had enough and had lost one too many times, they turned to karaoke, Alec surprising him by knowing all the high school musical songs and singing them as if his life depended on it. Magnus hadn’t laughed that much in months.

Exhausted from the night he sunk into the nearest couch melting into the soft cushions, he could fall asleep at any moment if he wanted to. Alec fell beside him not a minute later tilting his head on Magnus’ shoulder.

“Tonight, was fun,” Alec mumbled shuffling closer to Magnus making him suddenly very aware.

“It was, you definitely surprised me.” Magnus mused.

“In good ways, I hope.”

Magnus bit his lip, if only he knew it was always in a good way.

“Wakey, wakey, sleepy heads we are all playing spin the bottle,” Helen yelled as their group came and settled down around the coffee table.

That definitely woke him up.

“So,” Helen started. “The rules are, land on someone once the kiss has to last for 3 seconds. Land on someone twice it ups to 10 seconds.” This could get out of hand quickly. “You all in?” Alec gave a thumbs-up as did everyone else and Magnus followed.

“Okay, I’ll go first.” Helen spun the bottle, and everyone smirked when it landed on Aline. Everyone knew they liked each other they were all just waiting for them to admit it. They both blushed profusely when the time was up.

Next was Clary and it landed on Jace, and the face she made sent Magnus into hysterics. “Can I get a redo?” Clary pleaded.

“Sorry, just push through it,” Helen replied apologetically.

“Why are you all acting like I’m a terrible kisser?” Jace complained. Alec turned his face inward towards Magnus’ arm hiding his laugh, but Magnus wasn’t complaining.

“Because you are,” Maia stated unapologetically.

“You haven’t kissed me how would you know?”

“No, thank god for that. But I’ve seen you kiss countless other girls and it looks like you’re eating half their face.”

“I do not eat half their face! This is bullying.”

Izzy patted Jace’s shoulder in sympathy, “It’s okay there are still some years for improvement.” Jace folded his arms. “I don’t like this game anymore.”

“Does that mean I don’t have to kiss him?” Clary piped up from her spot on the floor. They all shook their heads and she sighed in defeat. “You all want to see me suffer.”

Jace sulked “Just get it over with.”

The whole time Magnus and Alec were both fighting the urge to cringe and laugh at the same time. Thank god it was over in 3 seconds.

Next was Maia, and she landed on Izzy and neither of them complained as they kissed each other.

Now it was Magnus’ turn, and suddenly he didn’t really want to kiss any of them. He spun the bottle nonetheless and tried to gauge where he thought it would stop. First, he thought it would be Jace, thank god it kept going. Past Clary, past Maia, it started to slow as it reached him but kept going until it stopped on Alec, and he felt his stomach drop. He wasn’t drunk enough for this.

It was just a game, he didn’t need to make this awkward. But he had forgotten how to breathe. Could the couch possibly swallow him up?

Alec was looking at him as calm as anything, his eyes hazed over with alcohol. He didn’t care so why should he. Shaking off his stupidity he went for it. He was kissing him.

Well, more like just a press of the lips for 3 seconds but that didn’t mean his heart wasn’t running a mile a minute. As soon as he reached 3 in his head he pulled back instantly. Maybe a little too swiftly judging by Alec’s startled expression.

“Damn Magnus, its not that bad kissing me is it?”

Panic overtook him then. He didn’t want to offend him. “No, what no. Not at all, you’re a great kisser. Not that I know really, but I’m sure you are. You just seem like that type.” What the fuck was that?

Alec laughed. “Whoa, chill, I was just kidding, but thank you I guess?”

Magnus wanted the ground to swallow him whole for the second time that day. He didn’t miss the way the rest of the group was trying not to laugh.

It was Alec’s turn now so at least he could breathe a sigh of relief.

Or not. The universe must be fucking with him right now. He wanted to cry it landed on him.

It’s not that he didn’t want to kiss Alec, he just didn’t want to kiss him like this. No one else knew what it meant to him.

“10 seconds.” Helen grinned too proud of herself.

“What?” Magnus blurted.

“That’s the rule,” She shrugged.

“You said if you land on someone twice.” Magnus fought.

“Yeah, and you and Alec both landed on each other so that’s twice, chop-chop.” He could barely make it 3 seconds god knows how he would do it for 10.

Alec bit his lip anxiously. “If you don’t want to do it, it’s okay, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Fuck it, he thought. “No, it’s okay,” Magnus tried to come across sure minded.

Alec smiled at him then, but this time felt different from his other smiles, more intimate. Alec cupped his face brushing his thumb faintly along his cheek and then he was kissing him. _Actually,_ kissing him. Not just sitting there for 10 seconds but kissing him, and fuck, Magnus was kissing him back.

Reaching his hand back he found Alec’s hair running his fingers through it as he moved his lips effortlessly with Alec’s.

All he was thinking now was _wow_

He heard Alec gasp against his lips, and he wanted to savour that sound forever if he could.

He’d never imagined Alec’s lips to feel _this_ good, there was just the right amount of pressure to keep it soft but intoxicating, and suddenly he was drunk on Alec and not alcohol.

He would have kept kissing him all night if someone in the room didn’t yell at them startling them apart. “Jesus, you two, I called time like 20 seconds ago.”

Magnus flushed a deep red, suddenly feeling very exposed. Alec didn’t look much better. Oh god, he had to get out of here, he couldn’t deal with this right now.

Bolting to the door before anyone could follow him, he put his jacket back on and went for the door, but someone grabbed his arm in an effort to stop him.

Alec, eyes wide with worry said. “You’re leaving?”

Magnus steadied his breath “Yeah, I just uh have to get um home, yeah home.”

“I can come with you?” His eyes pleading.

“No.” Okay, maybe that was too blunt, judging by the way Alec flinched. “Stay, enjoy yourself, I’ll get an uber.”

He was almost out the door when

“Magnus,” Magnus stopped, closing his eyes composing himself he turned back around looking at Alec expectantly.

“We’re okay?”

Forcing a smile, he said. “We are.” He lied. He left and didn’t turn back to see the sad frown left on Alec’s face.

* * *

Friday

**_8:30 am - Alexander: How are you this morning?_ **

**_4 pm – Alexander: You weren’t at school today, you okay?_ **

**_4:30 pm – Alexander: I came around to see if you were okay, but your mum said you weren’t in any state to see anyone, can you just text me to tell me you are okay._ **

**_6 pm – Alexander: Guess not then._ **

****

* * *

Saturday

**_11 am – Maia: Feeling any better today?_ **

**_12 pm – Alexander: If you’re feeling better today, we are all going to Maia’s mum’s diner for lunch. If you want to come, I can pick you up._ **

**_1 pm – Maia: I thought you were just ignoring Alec but you’re ignoring me too, classy._ **

**_2 pm – Alexander: Did I do something to you? Why aren’t you replying?_ **

**_5 pm – Izzy: Hey, everything okay?_ **

**_6 pm – Simon: Missed you today dude._ **

****

* * *

Sunday

**_2 am – Alexander: Is this about the other night? That’s why you’re ghosting me?_ **

**_3 am – Alexander: I’m really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, that was never what I wanted._ **

**_4:30 am – Alexander: If you’re at school tomorrow, can we talk?_ **

**_4:32 am – Alexander: I really miss you._ **

****

**_11 am – Maia: Listen here buddy, text me back we are talking about what this is all about_ **

**_11:05 am – Magnus_ **

**_Fine, I’m here_ **

**_11:06 am – Maia:_ **

**_Oh, thank god because I wasn’t sure if you were actually okay, anyway. What is this all about? I thought it was just an ignoring Alec thing but it’s literally all of us._ **

**_11:07 am – Magnus:_ **

**_I’m just embarrassed okay. I made out with my best friend in front of everyone and I didn’t even ask if it was okay with Alec. It just happened. You obviously know how I feel about him._ **

**_11:10 am – Maia:_ **

**_I do, I’m pretty sure we all do. But you know there isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. We all kissed everyone that night. And I mean from an outsider’s point of view it looked like Alec was enjoying that kiss just as much as you._ **

**_11:12 am – Magnus_ **

**_How am I meant to face him again without it being awkward? I don’t want to ruin our friendship._ **

**_11:15 am – Maia:_ **

**_Yeah, but you can’t go on pining for the rest of high school either._ **

**_You never know maybe he likes you back._ **

**_11:20 am – Magnus_ **

**_Even if he did, I don’t know if I’d want to go there. What if it doesn’t work and then I’ve lost my best friend?_ **

**_11:22 am – Maia_ **

**_I understand that, but will you ever be happy, or will you always be like what if?_ **

**_11:25 am – Magnus_ **

**_I really don’t know. My mind is such a mess, all I can think about is that kiss._ **

**_11:30 am – Maia_ **

**_Don’t blame you, it looked like quite the kiss, my friend._ **

**_Question, was that your first kiss?_ **

**_11:35 am – Magnus_ **

**_Yeah, he’s a fucking good kisser. Too good._ **

**_How upset is he with me?_ **

**_11:40 am – Maia_ **

**_I don’t think he’s upset with you, rather more upset with himself. He thinks he did something or pushed you too far. You need to talk to him. He’s pretending he’s fine, but I can see it’s getting to him. You’re his best friend too you know._ **

**_11:45 am – Magnus_ **

**_I know, I just don’t where to start or even what I want_ **

**_11:50 am – Maia_ **

**_When the time comes, you’ll know._ **

**_11:52 am – Magnus_ **

**_Sorry I ignored you_ **

**_11:55 am – Maia_ **

**_Don’t do it again! You had everyone worried_ **

**_11:57 am – Magnus_ **

**_Promise_ **

**_12 pm – Maia_ **

**_And talk to Alec._ **

**_12:01 pm – Magnus_ **

**_I will._ **

****

****

Magnus continued his day completing his essay and some other assignments that were due tomorrow before he couldn’t take it any longer and texted Alec.

**_3 pm – Magnus_ **

**_You didn’t do anything. It was all me, please don’t worry. We will talk tomorrow._ **

**_3:15 pm – Alexander_ **

**_Hi_ **

**_I can pick you up a little early and we can talk then?_ **

**_3:17 pm – Magnus_ **

**_Sounds good, see you then_ **

**_And Alec,_ **

**_3:18 pm – Alexander_ **

**_Awesome._ **

**_Yeah?_ **

**_3:20 pm – Magnus_ **

**_I miss you too._ **

****

* * *

Magnus was ready 30 minutes ago. He couldn’t sleep much last night his mind constantly thinking about what he was going to say or how Alec was going to react. He thought getting up early and getting ready would distract him from his thoughts, which it did, but now he was just sitting here stewing over how he got himself in this situation.

His mother had already left long ago, for her shift at the hospital, it was just him and his cat Fluffy, sue him he named her when he was 10. Fluffy was currently purring at his feet nudging him slightly to get him to refill her food bowl. “I’ve already fed you this morning, your tricks won’t work on me.” He lied. Her tricks always worked and now he was walking over and scooping more cat biscuits in her bowl. As long as his mother didn’t find out it was fine.

Leaving Fluffy to finish her second helping Magnus heard his phone buzz on the couch.

It was Alec telling him he was outside. Grabbing his backpack, he said goodbye to Fluffy who couldn’t care less and locked the door behind him.

Inhaling deeply through his nose he made his way down the steps and across the road to where Alec’s car sat idling.

Opening the passenger side door to Alec’s Range Rover he sunk into the seat placing his bag on the floor in front of him before turning to Alec “Hey,” He said quietly.

He didn’t miss the way Alec’s eyes looked weary with exhaustion, he had really lost sleep over this.

“Hey,” Quiet himself. “How have you been?”

Magnus swallowed. “I’ve been better.”

“Look,” They both said at the same time making the tension in the room palpable 

Magnus wanted to go first. “About the other night,” He scratched at the back of his head. “I’m sorry for taking it too far, I don’t know what happened. You’re my best friend and the last thing I want to do is ruin that, I was just embarrassed, and I didn’t know how to face you.” He paused briefly. “Can you forgive me?”

Alec was looking back his gaze unwavering. “No,”

Magnus sat back his face heating up. Had he fucked up that bad Alec didn’t want to be his friend anymore? “No?” He replied. “Why?”

“If you’re apologising for kissing me the other night then I should be apologising too,”

“No, no, Alec it was me I took it too far.”

Alec shook his head amusement on his lips and in his eyes. “If you took it too far, then I did too. I don’t know if you remember but I was kissing you back just as much.” He paused and for the first time in Magnus’ life he saw Alec being nervous. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What?” He was lost as to where this was going.

Alec cast his gaze down to his fumbling hands. “I know we’ve been best friends for ages, and by all means you mean a lot to me. It’s just, for a long time I’ve been wanting something else.”

Panic rose in Magnus’ chest. “Alexander, you’re scaring me.”

Alec laughed but it wasn’t at Magnus, it was at himself. “Well, this isn’t going to plan. Magnus, I don’t mean to scare you, god,” He sighed. His head falling into his hands. “Why do I suck at this?”

Magnus bit his lip nervously as he waited.

Composing himself, Alec tried again. “I’m sick of playing it safe. And I don’t know if I was reading into things the other night but the way you kissed me tells me maybe you feel the same, and if I’m wrong then this will be embarrassing.” He paused reaching his hand out for Magnus to hold. He did. “I can’t stop thinking about you and that kiss.” Magnus’ heart leapt out of his chest. “I can’t stop thinking about you, period. But that kiss only made me want you more.”

Was this really happening? “You-“ But Magnus couldn’t finish the sentence.

“I like you, maybe even more than like you but I don’t want to scare you off. Magnus, I adore you, I’ve liked you for so long I just never knew if you felt the same and after the other night, I thought maybe just maybe but then you ran away and were ignoring me, and I thought I’d done something wrong.” Alec rambled, he’d never seen him ramble before and he thought it utterly adorable.

Magnus waited for Alec to stop talking but he just kept going and Magnus couldn’t get a word in. He stopped him the only way he knew how or maybe it was the only way he wanted to. He kissed him, making Alec jump back in surprise but soon enough he melted into the kiss. Both losing themselves in each other’s arms.

After what was only a few seconds but felt like minutes they pulled back both completely breathless. “Does that answer your question?” Magnus said pulling at his bottom lip still being able to taste the cherry lip balm from Alec’s lips.

Alec looked back smiling like he was still trying to comprehend what happened. “Yeah,” he said voice deep with a rasp. “How long have you-“

“Liked you?” Magnus finished for him, to which Alec nodded. “Try two years and counting.”

Alec fell back against his seat groaning but laughing at the same time. “We really wasted two years pining over each other.”

Magnus moved closer tucking his head just below Alec’s ear pecking him all the way up to his cheek. “Guess we shouldn’t waste any more time.” Alec quirked an eyebrow intriguingly.

Magnus fell back laughing. “I don’t know what you were thinking, but I was thinking about a breakfast date.”

Alec blushed, “Oh, right yeah me too.” He cleared his throat adjusting his position and pulling his seat belt on. Magnus followed.

“Where do you want to go?” Alec asked.

“Surprise me,”

Alec took the handbrake off and pulled out onto the road. After a couple of minutes, he placed his free hand between both seats, his palm facing upward. Magnus took it as an invitation to hold his hand interlocking their fingers. He couldn’t wait for many more mornings like this.


	2. Say Something I'm Giving Up On You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I've now turned this into a 3 part series oops. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy nonetheless

_2 years later_

The poppy upbeat music made its way through the rooms as everyone enjoyed their last night of freedom. Magnus stood to the side of the living room, he could see everyone from here. Izzy and Clary both dancing like no one were watching, a soft smile crept on his face in adoration for the girls who had become like his sisters.

Simon had pulled a chair over to the sound system shooing anyone away who dared to change the music, adamant he had the best taste in music to which Jace had once pointed out that just because he was in a band did not qualify him as music master. Speaking of Jace he had ventured off giving up on Simon and finding the next girl to hit on.

Helen and Aline were stuck in their own world as they normally were ever since they finally got together. Always in their own bubble cuddled up on the couch talking and giggling amongst each other.

Maia had been situated in the kitchen for a couple of hours now shaking and mixing up any concoction she could think of that sounded nice. Unfortunately, she had tested out a few of her less than desirable ones on him which had left a bad taste in his mouth. Why couldn’t she give him the good ones, he knows she’s got them. But he entertained her nonetheless being the nice best friend he was. She would have been the sacrificial lamb for him if the tables were turned. And behind the bad taste at least there was the pleasant buzz of alcohol running through his veins making him feel a little fuzzy.

Arms encircled him from behind and he instantly knew who it was. How could he not? Those same arms have been doing that for the past 2 years. Leaning back into Alec’s embrace he found the familiar hard but warm surface of his chest against his back, Alec’s cologne sending his senses on its tippy toes. It was him, his smell, Alec. Magnus hummed in agreement when Alec kissed his shoulder quickly before kissing his neck, light enough to be a feather touch.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Alec mumbled behind his head his breath tickling just below his hairline.

“You found me.” Magnus hummed back.

“What are you doing over here?”

“People watching,” The night had started to overwhelm him. After tonight everything would be different. Nothing would be the same ever again. He wanted to take it all in while he still could.

“Anything interesting?” Alec swayed them slowly to the music in the background. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t to the beat.

Magnus wrinkled his nose. “Not really, except Maia assaulted my taste buds with her drinks.” Alec tucked his head down chuckling. Whispering softly, “Poor baby,” He moved him around to face him, his hands still wrapped around his waist. “Maybe I can fix that bad taste in your mouth?”

Magnus looked back with a tongue in cheek grin looking Alec playfully in the eyes. “Oh yeah and how will you do that?”

“I have an idea,” Alec said alluringly.

Magnus quirked an eyebrow in anticipation leaning up on his toes as Alec leaned down to meet him halfway. He’d never turn down a kiss from Alec, he’d have to be mental to deny himself that sweet sensation that ran through his body every time they kissed. Magnus could taste the sweet taste of peach still resting on his lips, and that, plus the feel of Alec’s lips; his lips couldn’t remember anything previous to that.

Alec pulled back breathless nuzzling their noses sending a widespread rush through his entire body, it always felt so intimate when he did that, especially in front of everyone.

“Just keep rubbing it in my face how unbelievably single I am.” Maia groaned from somewhere behind them startling them apart but only a few centimetres. “Now that I have your attention,” She stood there proudly holding two cups with some drink that was a vibrant blue. “It’s my best one yet.” She grinned.

Alec pursed his lips at Magnus’ side as he himself tried to think of a polite way to decline. “That’s what you said about your last one.” He said wearily.

“Well I was wrong, please c’ mon I swear if it’s not good I’ll do all your laundry at college.” She begged.

“What’s in it?” Alec asked smartly. Why had Magnus never thought to ask.

“Vodka, Blue Curacao, shaken well, a splash of lemonade, and an orange slice for presentation.”

Alec shrugged reaching for a glass and Magnus had to admit it didn’t sound bad, so he reached for his drink as well taking a tentative sip and was pleasantly surprised.

Maia laughed. “Don’t look so surprised. One day I’ll be running my own bar and I’ll be making the best cocktails in town.” After trying this drink that he soon found out was called a Blue Lagoon he didn’t doubt her for a second.

“We will be first in line.” Alec smiled at her behind his glass before taking another sip.

“Okay well, I’m all drink-making out for the night, want to come dance?” Maia asked.

Alec went to follow but there was something he and Alec needed to talk about. “Wait, Alec.” He blurted stopping them both short. “Can we talk a bit first?”

Maia rolled her eyes. “Ugh fine go make out and then come back here.” If only that was what he was going to do.

Magnus reached for Alec’s hand and found their way up the stairs to a quiet room.

“Magnus?” Alec said cautiously, “What’s going on?”

Magnus didn’t trust his voice to reply, the realisation of what was about to happen taking full effect leaving a lump in his throat.

“Magnus?” Alec said again.

He sat on the edge of the bed and watched Alec do same, be that cautiously. They sat facing each other, knees touching. Inhaling letting his lungs fill with ear he exhaled just as much, but no matter how much he tried to prepare himself nothing would prepare him for what was about to happen.

Holding Alec’s hand, he felt the same tick against his heart, and warmth spread throughout his entire body. “Alexander, My sweet sweet Alexander,”

He watched Alec’s brows furrowed in confusion, “Magnus you’re scaring me.”

He had no choice but to say it, making it that much more real than just being in his head these past few months. “You leave for Harvard tomorrow,”

“Okay? We both knew that.”

“Yes, but we haven’t talked about what it means for us,” He watched as it finally dawned on him what Magnus was trying to do. Springing from the bed he shook his head in denial whispering “no, no” repeatedly to himself. “Tell me this isn’t what I think it is?” Alec stopped pacing to look back at him.

Magnus looked back feeling his heartbreaking slowly. “We have to let each other go,” his voice quavered but he bit it back, now wasn’t the time to breakdown.

“You’re saying--?”

Magnus nodded not being able to say the words out loud.

“We can make it work, we love each other,” Alec paused, “Right?”

Standing up to close the distance between them, he looked into his eyes that always left him breathless, “I love you more than anything, don’t ever doubt that.”

“Then why?”

It fell silent again. Magnus could feel his reserve crumbling every second Alec looked at him like that. Like he was taking his heart and shredding it to pieces.

“I told you I would go to Columbia, in a heartbeat if that meant we could be together,” And that was why he had to do this.

Magnus shook his head a sad smile forming on his lips. “I would never let you do that. Harvard is your dream.”

Alec stepped closer his palm coming up to caress his cheek, the way he always did like he was holding his whole world in his hand. “You’re my dream.”

Magnus looked down pushing away from his embrace feeling like it was one of the hardest things to do, he could feel his voice starting to shake. “No, don’t say that. You can’t say that.” It was only making everything so much worse.

“But it’s true,” Alec’s voice was just above a whisper. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

Magnus swallowed the tears that were building, along with it, the pain of it all. “I won’t let you give up this amazing opportunity, not for me.”

“But that means giving up on each other, I don’t want that, I don’t want to let you go,” He could feel Alec caressing his elbow with his thumb.

Taking a deep breath for what felt like the thousandth time he forced his gaze back to Alec, but now he wished he didn’t as he saw tears starting to form.

“The last thing I want is to lose you, Alec, god, I love you so much, too much, but that’s why we need to do this. If we stay together, we will only be a distraction. We will have to balance a lot, life, college, our relationship and I don’t one or the other to suffer.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “If we end it now, it’s on our terms.”

Alec bit his bottom lip to hide the fact that it was shaking, “I don’t want this,” He sighed leaning down to rest his head on Magnus’, “I want you.”

He wanted him too, but he wanted so much more for him as well. “I want to see you reach your greatest heights, I want you to accomplish all your dreams and to continue making new ones. I want you to become the most incredible man I know you will be, and I want you to have fun every step of the way.”

“How am I meant to do that without you? It will be like a part of my heart is missing.” Closing his eyes, he leaned in further, their noses were almost touching.

“You are going to be okay. This isn’t me saying goodbye forever, it’s just me saying we need to this for ourselves to become our own separate people.” He paused, smiling and opening his eyes to look at the boy he had fallen so madly in love with. “And if we find our way back to each other, I’ll be waiting.” He let a tear fall the salty taste lingering on his lip. “I’ll never stop loving you.”

Silence fell as there was nothing else to be said. He wrapped his arms around Alec losing himself in the security it once gave him, he could have this, just for one more night. They stood there letting time tick by neither of them planning on moving if they didn’t have to. Magnus squeezed him a little harder scared that if he let go, he would fall apart. He knew this was going to be hard, but nothing could have prepared him for this. Like with every breath he took he was losing time with the love of his life.

“Baby,” Alec whispered above him where his head was resting on top of his. Magnus nuzzled in further to tell him he was listening. “Spend tonight with me? I’m not ready to say goodbye tonight.”

There wasn’t a question in his mind. If he could spend every last remaining minute with him, he would.

After another few minutes of holding one another, they made their exit. Slipping past the fun in the living room. Tonight, was theirs and theirs alone.

……………

Laying down next to Alec in his bed he was hit with so many other nights like this, staring at one another getting lost in each other’s smiles. Nights where they would curl up and play thumb wars, watch movies and talk about nothing. There were some nights where Alec fell asleep before him and Magnus would just listen and observe, falling in love with the way his nose would crinkle making him wonder what sort of dreams he was having. Falling in love with the way his hair curled after a long day and brushing it out of his eyes. Falling in love with his soft snores that some may find annoying, but he found it adorable and never failed to find a moment to tease him about it.

Tonight, wasn’t like that though. Tonight, was different. Tonight, was their last.

So, tonight he didn’t take anything for granted.

Shuffling closer so they’re only a hairbreadth away from each other he whispers for him to hear, “I love you.”

Alec smiles back with sadness in his eyes, but it’s a smile he will cherish nonetheless. “I love you too,”

That night they let each other love one another in every way possible.

Shivers run down his spine as skin meets skin, and his heart flutters at an increasing rate as Alec kisses him slowly and attentively never missing a beat, making his way down his neck and collarbone, loving every inch of him.

A swarm of butterflies erupting into a storm in the pit of his belly as it did every time, he and Alec made love. Relishing the way Alec’s fingers made their way over his arms and his legs, everywhere he could get them like he was trying to memorize every part of him. Their breath intertwining with each other’s heavy and content.

Alec kissed him with fire in his belly, forceful yet unbelievably gentle. Like he couldn’t quite get enough, that it would never be enough.

He savoured every gasp and moan that filled the silence that night, the way they could both trust the other to be at their most vulnerable, completely willing and trusting to have the other take them in their arms.

Running his hands down Alec’s back, he trailed his sharp shoulder blades feeling them move beneath them, the soft skin down his spin and firm muscles. Savouring it all. Their last night together was perfect beyond words he thought his heart might burst but instead it was breaking.

Underneath all the intoxicating pleasure and their desire for one another was two hearts breaking silently.

Afterwards, Alec lay next to him snoring softly but instead of his normal content look he had a crease between his brows and all he wanted to do was rub it away.

Magnus lay there next to him for what felt like hours, his mind turning, still coming to terms that this was the last time he would be seeing his Alexander for who knows how many years. So, turning on his side he took one last glance before he left. When Alec woke up in the morning he wouldn’t be here. Not trusting himself to not go back on his word he had to go now.

Leaning over and brushing his fluffy hair from his face he kissed just above his eyebrow, lingering slightly too long but Alec didn’t stir.

When Alec woke, he would wake up to a message.

**_Dear Alexander,_ **

**_Right now, I know you are probably mad at me for leaving without saying goodbye, but I don’t think I could face you and say those words and not break down. So, here is a letter to you from me._ **

**_I love you, plain and simple, I don’t think I will ever love anyone the way that I love you, it just doesn’t seem possible. You came into my life with that genuine smile and sweet personality and leant me that pen, I still have that pen by the way, not that it’s usable anymore, but I can’t seem to part with it. I know I’m silly. Anyway, my point is that from the moment I met you I knew you were going to be someone special to me and boy was I right. There are people who come into your life and they go just as easily, but not you, you will forever be in my heart as your hand has left an imprint there and I never want to remove it. I hate that we have to go our separate ways, but I hope one day you look back and understand why._ **

**_I wish you all the best at Harvard, you’re totally going to smash it. I know this may seem like a goodbye forever, but I really do hope that one day we find our way back to each other. Someone as special as you don’t come along often._ **

**_Thank you for the best 4 years of my life, and for out of 2 of those, deciding to love me unconditionally._ **

**_I love you, Alexander, always._ **

**_Yours, Magnus_ **

**** As Magnus finished writing, tears had started to fall uncontrollably and he needed to leave before he woke Alec up.

Placing the letter on his now empty pillow he pulled the covers up over Alec’s bare chest and smiled at him one last time wiping his remaining tears.

He left his room and snuck out of the house, not looking back. The second he closed the front door behind him he let out an audible cry, and that was the first time Magnus Bane’s heart had shattered beyond repair. And it was his own doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated. Let me know what you thought. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, see you for part 3


	3. If You Love Me Don't Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final part is here. Enjoy guys, and sorry for the long wait. 
> 
> If you want to live-tweet on Twitter use #SpinTheIdiotFic I love seeing your reactions and thoughts.

A soft voice filled the silence as Aline thanked everyone for coming. “Tonight has been incredible, you’ve all been so nice, and we love every one of you, but most importantly, I love you,” She looks over at Helen, and the whole room coo’s in unison. “Can’t believe I get to call you my fiancée and one day my wife. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.” She reached out her hand and Helen squeezes back in affection. “So, thank you all for coming to celebrate our engagement with us, enjoy the night.” Helen stood up and they shared a sweet kiss, making everyone applaud and whistle. 

Magnus was smiling, his cheeks were hurting from smiling so much that night. There was something about witnessing such love in front of your eyes; it fills you with something warm that swims through your veins. Makes the butterflies in your stomach stir making you feel giddy and off-balance.

Someone used to make him feel this way with just a glimpse of his smile and shimmer of his eyes, a tickle of breath at his neck, or a kiss to his forehead, holding hands down the corridor at school. He missed him every day. But he had to accept that it was he who let him go and left that night. It was no one’s fault but his that he’s lost the only person he’d ever loved.

Over the last 2 years, he’s found ways to subdue the dull ache that would niggle away at him, cramming himself with so much study that his brain couldn’t think about anything but that. Being a Psychology major helped. He’d had a few one-night stands thinking maybe that would help with feeling so lonely, but it never did, if anything it always made it worse, because they were never who he really wanted them to be.

It didn’t help that he hadn’t spoken to Alec in 2 years. Their last form of contact was his letter to him that he left on the pillow that night. Izzy had assured him he was doing really good, and that should have made him happy, and it did, but underneath deep down he had been hoping maybe he’d been missing him as much as he was.

Back in high school sometimes he and Alec would stay up talking about the future. They’d been naïve teenagers thinking nothing bad would ever happen, that neither of them would make an idiotic mistake and walk away from the other. Dreaming of a happy ending with Alec was still a recurring dream he had but he’d always wake up with tears in his eyes like he knew it wasn’t real and his dreams were taunting him.

He was happy for the girls, he really was. At least someone was going to get their happy ending and Helen and Aline deserved it.

“Hey,” Maia said at his side her voice soft like she knew exactly what he was thinking. “I’ve seen that look one too many times over the last 2 years, tonight is for celebrating, so we are going to celebrate.” She paused. “Shots?”

Magnus didn’t see why not. Maybe he could drown the sorrows that were already suffocating him.

“Shots, lots of them.”

Maia laughed light and airy before going to the bar leaving Magnus and his mind to continue its turmoil.

His brain was such a mixture of thoughts at the moment; it was starting to overwhelm. He would focus on Helen and Aline and only them, no other thoughts for the night because that never ended well. Normally with him sulking in Maia’s lap about how he screwed up so badly.

“Is this seat taken?”

Startled, Magnus’ heart leapt from his chest making his head rush as he placed his hand over his chest checking his heart was actually still there.

The person laughed and quickly apologised.

Now he was sure his heart had stopped beating altogether. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Was it actually 2 in the morning and the night had been such a blur that he couldn’t remember getting drunk on the brink of passing out. No?

He knew that voice, it was different somewhat in pitch, lower, raspier, but he knew it. Terrified of turning and finding out it was just his imagination kept him from moving for a solid minute before he told himself to stop being stupid and just look at the person. God, he was being so rude, it probably wasn’t even him. He could slap himself. He didn’t. If he did surely this person would clearly think him a crazy person and walk away.

Turning his head in the direction that the voice came he stopped short, gasping lightly under his breath. It was him. The same soft lightly tanned skin, the same perfectly chiselled jaw, and by all means the same incredible eyes; he could already feel himself getting dizzy, lost in the hazel swarm of colour glinting back at him. And how could he forget that same disapproving cocked eyebrow he always did when he was unsure of something.

“Alec,” He whispered in disbelief.

Alec smiled his lips curling more to one side, it was his tell he did when he was a little unsure.

Suddenly remembering the question, he had asked him not even 2 minutes ago, Magnus managed to reply somewhat clumsily. “Yes,” Alec gave him a funny look. “Wait no, I mean no. This seat isn’t taken.” It was but Maia wouldn’t mind, would she?

Alec sat down looking all sorts of confused and Magnus wanted to hide under the table, it seemed like a reasonable solution. He hadn’t seen him in 2 years and he just has to be a mess the first time they see each other.

“I didn’t know you were coming?”

Alec reaches for a glass of champagne. “I wasn’t going to because I have an assignment due on Monday, but I figured it was for the girls and I wanted to see everyone.”

“How long are you back?”

“Just tonight and then I leave tomorrow.” Alec took a slow sip and Magnus had to force his eyes away from his parting lips.

“Not long then,” Magnus mused fiddling with his fingers he always did that when he was feeling anxious, which was basically all the time being in college. “How are you?” He asked.

Alec placed his glass back down on the white table. Magnus hadn’t missed how Alec hasn’t actually looked at him, properly, since he sat down. Like he was trying to avoid eye contact. “I’m good, they’re fast-tracking me to Harvard Med School starting next year.”

“That’s amazing,” Magnus spoke softly his fondness and admiration showing through his voice. “You’re going to make an incredible doctor.”

“That’s the dream, right,” Magnus flinched a little at how the end of Alec’s sentence sounded, a touch of spite clinging to his words. A shiver of worry ran down his spine.

“Right,” Magnus replied, awkward.

“What about you?”

“I’m good. Just trying to make it through the countless sleepless nights, you know.”

Alec laughed at that and everything felt okay again. “Oh, I really do, no one warns you it’s going to be _this_ hard.” He downed the rest of his champagne before standing up. “Anyway, I should go congratulate the happy couple.”

Magnus swallowed the pain away, they used to be a happy couple. “Yeah, do that,” He paused. “Nice to see you.”

“You too,” And just like that, it was over. Watching him walk away, the yearning for him to stay to never leave all came rushing back. He still loved him. He still loved him so much. Where was Maia with those shots?

“Sorry, sorry, there was a line at the bar, but I got us 2 shots each.” Maia rushed up beside him.

Magnus reached for his 2 and downed the first one before Maia even sat back down.

“Whoa,” She said. “Slow down.”

“Alec’s here,”

Her eyebrows rose. “What? Where?”

Magnus mused with his hand like he didn’t really care, trying to downplay how erratic his heart was right now. “Somewhere in that direction.”

Maia scanned the crowd looking for the disgustingly good-looking man. While she was distracted, he downed his next shot. Tequila. That stuff always went to his head fast. But the warm buzz was a nice distraction.

“Oh, I see him, we should go say hey.” She beamed.

“I’ve already spoken to him. Short and sweet. Pretty sure he hates me.” Maybe the alcohol was making him a little loose-lipped.

Maia scoffed knocking his knee. “He could never hate you.”

“I wouldn’t blame him if he did.”

“Go talk to him,”

Magnus shook his head. “No way” he scratched at the back of his head. “He’s probably busy.”

Maia pointed behind him at a table. “He’s sitting with Raj, I think you’d actually be saving him.”

Magnus guffawed “He’s not that bad.” She looked back at him as in to say _that’s a reach_. He’d never really known Raj, but everyone seemed to think he was annoying. He seemed like a nice guy. Shrugging, Magnus let it go.

“Go talk to him,” Maia motioned.

“And say what?” He threw his hands in the air. “Hey, I hate that we feel like strangers, I wish I never let you go, can I kiss your annoyingly handsome face now.” He blamed the last part on the tequila, that was only meant to stay in his head.

Maia quirked a brow before laughing. “Something like that, but maybe not the last part.”

“It’s true,” Magnus shrugged. “He’s gotten disgustingly handsome over the last 2 years.”

“We get it, you wanna jump his bones, now go talk to him before I shove you over there.”

Magnus sat up quickly, “Okay, okay, geez,”

It was definitely the influence of the alcohol that made me get up from his seat and stride over in Alec’s direction. It was the warm buzz of tequila running through his veins that made him brush his hair with his hand, his fingers getting tangled briefly. He felt an anxious need to straighten his shirt that was already straight but apparently, he was doing it anyway. Taking a deep breath, he passed the remaining people on the dance floor and came to a crystal-clear view of Alec.

Magnus couldn’t help but notice his unguarded face, watching the way his smile would dimple at the sides, his eyes crinkling. He hadn’t seen a smile like that in years and it was someone else making him look that way, not him. A twinge of something that felt like envy swam through his bones making him tense his jaw grinding his teeth. Shaking it off he let it brush over him. Of course, he was going to smile at other people like that. It was stupid, he’d just missed it that was all, he was allowed to miss it, right?

Alec gazed up in his direction and there was a flicker of surprise in his eyes like he wasn’t expecting to get caught. He definitely gave himself away when he quickly looked back to Raj pretending that didn’t just happen.

It made him think. Was Alec stealing glances his way as well? A small smile crept upon his lips.

Walking up to the table he said: “Hey, Alec can we –”

“We should go out sometime,”

“Talk,”

Raj said at the same time and Magnus' brain froze. His face flushing a deep red that definitely wasn’t the alcohols affect.

Alec looked caught off guard by both questions not knowing who to answer first, so, Magnus made the decision for him, deciding to remove himself from the situation entirely.

“Sorry, forget I said anything.” And bolted back across the floor at the speed of light.

Sitting back down in his seat puffed because he had literally run back, he huffed out a sigh.

Maia, bless her, was still sitting there, concern was written on her face for her delinquent friend. “What the fuck just happened, and why do you sound like you just ran a marathon?” He wasn’t sure if the lack of air entering his lungs was because of the running or that he’d just made a complete fool of himself. He chose the latter hoping he wasn’t really that unfit.

“You know how I said Raj isn’t that bad?” Magnus started while flitting his eyes across the room watching the interaction between them continue after he had left. He couldn’t really read their facial expressions from here.

Maia looked back at him like hurry up we don’t have all night.

“Yeah, well not so great after all.”

Maia’s frown growing. “Care to explain.”

“Not really,” That was definitely not a moment he wanted to relive.

Opening her mouth in offence she nudged his knee. “You can't say that and not tell me, c’ mon.”

Magnus groaned wanting to down 5 more shots. “He asked Alec out just as I was approaching their table.”

Watching Maia’s eyebrows shoot up was somewhat amusing for Magnus to witness, clearly, he wasn’t the only one surprised. “Raj,” She paused. “And Alec?”

Magnus wanted to rip his ears off. “Yes, well, I don’t know what Alec’s reply was because I kind of freaked out and ran back over here.”

Shaking her head, she palmed her face in second-hand embarrassment most likely. “I know, I know, I’m a disaster.” He added. “So, we should just leave and go back to our apartment and watch queer eye and order food.” He finished with a pleading look.

She considered his suggestion, her mind surely turning until she gave up with a sigh. Boy, he really must be a lost cause. “Fine, I’ll go get our stuff, stay here.”

“Trust me, I’m not going anywhere.” He replied as she got up and left leaving Magnus alone.

He couldn’t help himself and took a glance in the direction where Alec was sitting, but he wasn’t there anymore. Maybe he and Raj had gone off on their first date already, probably already fallen in love, and will be married in a year.

“Hey,” Magnus jumped. Turning around he saw a small smile pressed into Alec’s lips suppressing his laugh.

“Sorry,” He said, “Second time tonight, I’ve done that.”

Magnus wasn’t really in the mood still feeling the sting of what he heard earlier. “Why aren’t you with Raj?”

A deep frown formed between Alec’s brows. “Excuse me?”

Magnus rolled his eyes at Alec’s outraged face. “What, you two seemed to be hitting it off.”

Alec crossed his arms in a defensive stance. “Maybe we were, maybe we weren’t.” He paused briefly, “What’s does it matter to you?”

“It doesn’t”

“Right.”

“Why did you come over here?” Magnus asked his voice clipped with exhaustion but it came across as annoyance.

“You came over to talk to me, but then ran off,” There was another beat. “As you do.”

Magnus stood up then abruptly, drawing some people’s attention near them. “Are you really going to bring this up now. I didn’t run away.”

Alec cocked an eyebrow looking all smug. “Please explain what disappearing in the middle of the night means then?”

Magnus looked around noticing more people starting to stare. He wasn’t about to cause a scene at Aline’s and Helen’s engagement party. “Do we have to do this now?”

“If it’s the people you care about, let’s go outside.” Alec retorted, his voice impolite with built-up frustration.

“You really want to do this now?”

“No time like the present.”

Groaning Magnus pushed his seat in and followed Alec outside, hopefully, Maia wouldn’t be waiting too long.

Once outside, the silence in the air overwhelmed him. It was just them now, no one else. It was the first time in 2 years they were alone again, it was nowhere near how he’d imagined their reunion. He hated this.

“So, tell me,” Alec said breaking the deafening silence, his body language tense and rigid.

“I told you in the letter why I left that night. If I stayed, I was scared I wouldn’t be able to do it. That I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to you.” Magnus bit back the shaking in his voice.

“So, you ran, not thinking about how that would even affect me.”

“I—”

“No, I’m not done.” Alec retorted. He’d never heard him so hurt. He had done that to him without even realising it. “You thought of yourself in that moment and only yourself. If you had thought of me, you would have realised I deserved a proper goodbye not some letter claiming you love me more than anything.” Alec paused looking downward and Magnus knew it was because there were tears in his eyes. He’d broken both their hearts that night.

Alec continued. “I had to wake up and find my arms empty, my boyfriend gone. Do you know how hard that was for me? I went to sleep that night thinking I still had that morning with you, but you’d gone. Left.” He shook his head and there was a slight shake to his shoulders, at first Magnus thought he was crying but soon realised he was laughing. “Do you know what’s funny?”

Magnus looked back struck completely dumbfounded.

“I actually kept the goddamn letter. I still have it, to this day, I can’t bring myself to get rid of it.”

So many things were running through his head he couldn’t manage to voice anything but just stuttering out noises.

“That’s all you have to say?” Alec asked his eyes pleading.

“I—”

“Great, well, have a good life, Magnus,” And then he was gone, and only when he was gone did one word fall from his lips. “Sorry,” but it was far too late.

Magnus just stood there listening to Alec’s words on repeat. He had been selfish that day. He thought he was doing it for both of them but that was just his brain trying to convince him what he was doing was okay. He’d hurt someone he loved and still very much does, and that wasn’t okay. Things with Alec were worse than ever, and he had no idea how to resolve it. Or If they could.

Maia came walking out an unimpressed glare on her face. “I told you not to move, I’ve been looking for you for the past 10 minutes.” Magnus looked at her and he saw her face soften worry etched in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve messed up, bad.”

Maia pulled him in by his shoulder hugging him from the side. “Let’s go home and we can talk about it then.”

Magnus followed willingly.

He told her everything that went on between him and Alec, some tears were shed, some advice was given, some soft warm hugs were accepted. It was what he needed that night. He would regroup in the morning and sort this out once and for all. He couldn’t go another night knowing Alec felt this way towards him. It cut through him like glass. Sharp and Jagged, one wrong move and it would pierce his heart. Sleep didn’t come easy that night.

………..

Shaking off the nerves circling his entire body he made his way to Izzy’s. Maia had told him Alec was staying there. Grabbing a quick coffee on his way he took a sip stupidly not letting it cool down and burning his tongue, he always did that.

He could take the easy way out of this and just leave he and Alec as it was; broken. But that didn’t sit right with him, not after the amazing friendship and relationship they had. They deserved better, Alec deserved better than what he got last night. He would try his best to mend this. He just hoped it wasn’t too far gone.

Walking up the steps to Izzy’s place he rang the doorbell bouncing on his toe’s anxiety drumming through his body. He took another sip of his coffee and hated the mothy feeling on his tongue, his taste buds would be ruined for a solid day at least. He contemplated throwing the coffee away but before he could find the rubbish bin Izzy opened the door looking surprised to see him.

“Hey,” She said.

“Hey,” He smiled, pulling his bottom lip through his teeth. “Is he here?”

Izzy answered with a sad smile. He knew what that meant. He was too late. “Sorry, he left like 20 minutes ago.”

Magnus wanted to kick the ground. If he hadn’t stopped for this stupid coffee that had rudely burnt his tongue, maybe he would have got here in time to catch Alec. Coffee and he now had a love-hate relationship indeed.

“Dammit,”

“Why?” She asked.

Scuffing the ground with his shoe he said. “I need to talk to him.” He saw Izzy look over his shoulder.

“Talk to me about what?”

Magnus gulped, his heart kicking up a notch. Izzy took the initiative and squirmed past them claiming she was going for a walk to give them time alone.

Alec stepped past him going inside, Magnus didn’t know if he was allowed to follow but he did anyway. “I thought you were gone?” He said.

Alec stopped turning around once they were inside, away from peering eyes. Squinting at him he said. “That’s what you wanted to say?”

Magnus shook his head. “No, what, I just... Izzy said.” He stopped his rambling. “Never mind, you’re here now so I’ll say what I came here to say.”

Alec waited expectantly.

Not knowing what was possessing him, he stepped closer to Alec reaching for his arm, his fingers sliding down to his wrist, the exposed skin there, his thumb instinctively brushing along the soft skin that lay bare. “Alec,” Magnus whispered breathlessly.

Alec watched Magnus’ hand and the way he continued to caress along it like he was trying to remember what it felt like. The faint touch igniting feelings deep within he’d thought he’d never have the chance to feel again. Like he was slotting together a puzzle at the memory of his touch. A puzzle he realised would never be complete. Not after he broke it.

“Alec,” He said again trying to find his bearings feeling overwhelmed. “Alec,” He said one last time as his hand trailed just a little bit further when suddenly a rush of relief exhaled from his mouth when Alec opened his hand inviting him to lace their fingers together. “I’m sorry,” That was when he looked up and saw Alec staring back at him, the electricity in the room feeling charged. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Alec brushed his thumb along one of his fingers sending chills down his spine. “I understand why you wanted to break up, I get it,” Alec spoke as gentle as a butterfly landing on his skin. “I just don’t get why you left. Why you wouldn’t want to spend more time with me? Why you didn’t want to say goodbye?”

Magnus looked away unable to keep eye contact not when Alec was looking at him like that. “I was scared. To part ways knowing it was over, I didn’t know if I would follow through, so I chose to leave then, while you were sleeping.” He sighed feeling all the years of regret. “Looking back now, I know that was wrong and unfair. I’m sorry,”

“I’m sorry too,”

Magnus looked back confused. “For what?”

“For how I acted last night. Seeing you again after so long it just brought all the pain back and I didn’t handle it like an adult. I let it get to me. So, I’m sorry too.”

Magnus shook his head. “You don’t have to apologise for that, I needed to hear it.” They were still holding each other’s hand and Magnus really didn’t want to let go.

Alec bit his lip awkwardly, “I should probably get what I came back for” Magnus looked back confused. “My charger, I forgot my charger,” Alec answered quickly

“Oh,” Magnus stepped back mimicking Alec’s manner.

Disposing of his coffee cup on the nearest table, Magnus waited in the living room for him to come back, he had apologised, and they’d made up but still, something felt off. He needed to get something else off his chest.

Alec came back out charger in hand and started heading for the door but stopped when Magnus said “Wait,” he turned around. Magnus continued “How do I say this without just blurting it out?” 

“Say what?”

Magnus closed the gap between them not liking the distance. “They say in life to live without regret, right?” He paused looking into Alec’s eyes. “Well, I have one.”

“Which is?”

“Leaving you.” He let that fall in the open air between them before continuing. “I was scared we wouldn’t work long distance. So much that I had already doomed our relationship, that we would fail. That wasn’t fair to our relationship or to you. I broke both our hearts that night, and mine has never recovered.”

Alec turned away from him, Magnus felt the panic in his chest rise and settle in the pit of his stomach. “You can’t say stuff like this, not now.”

Magnus frowned wanting to see Alec’s face. Making his way to him he stepped around him seeing the distraught look on his face. “Why?”

“Because you were never just a high school fling for me, you were always so much more, and I’ve never been able to let go.”

Magnus looked up at him, his eyes growing wide with something desperate when Alec wouldn't look back. “You don’t have to let go.”

“I do,”

Magnus shook his head trying to find his eyes, he needed to see his eyes. “I know I let you go once, and it’s selfish of me to ask for you back, but I can’t let you leave knowing I hadn’t tried.” Both his palms cupped Alec’s cheeks as he stepped closer. “I still love you, Alexander.”

Alec let out a barely audible laugh his voice trembling. “It’s been so long since someone has called me that.” He moved from Magnus' embrace leaning against the wall sliding to the floor, “Do you have any idea how upset I was when I woke up to find a letter instead of you?”

Magnus sat in front of him shaking his head.

“I was ready to follow you, leave it all, for you. I broke down and told my mum I wasn’t going to Harvard. It felt like a hole had opened up inside my chest like I was suddenly hollow. You’d left that night with my heart.”

“You really would have stayed for me?” 

“Yes,” He said without a doubt. “But you were right, that would have been a mistake, and as tough as it was, I left for Harvard and tried to move on.” He laughed somewhat sadly. “Clearly, that didn’t work as well as I had wanted it to.”

“I didn’t do any better.”

Alec reached out his hand inviting Magnus to come closer. Magnus moved in straddling Alec’s thighs smiling, looking down at him.

Alec looked at him with eyes so soft he felt he could melt. “You really mean it? You still love me?”

“I’ve loved you every day you were gone.” Magnus leaned his head down to Alec’s

Alec ran his hand slowly down Magnus' cheek until his hand was gently sitting behind his neck pulling him closer. “I don’t think I could take losing you a second time.”

Magnus didn’t know how he could assure him that he was it for him, he only ever wanted him. Nuzzling his nose against Alec’s he smiled wide, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Alec’s eyes fluttered closed at the touch, their lips a hairsbreadth away from each other. “I love you,” He whispered.

It was like hearing it for the first time all over again. His heart finding new heights to soar. Closing his eyes, he inched his lips closer whispering against Alec’s “Kiss me,”

And he did and he felt every piece of their puzzle slowly find its way back to its original place. Except now the puzzle felt bigger, the missing pieces not scaring him but exciting him at the prospect of Alec’s and his future, creating their story as it should be. Together.

Alec’s kiss was all-consuming and Magnus just wanted to burrow further into him, but when their tongues brushed he was startled back at the weird feeling.

Alec was looking back at him a little love drunk but mostly confused.

“I burnt my tongue on my way here,” Magnus pointed to the coffee cup on the table in the living room.

Alec laughed pulling Magnus into a hug so tight he felt glued to him. “You never learn do you.”

Magnus tucked his head further into Alec’s neck kissing him softly before pulling back. “Now I have you to remind me.”

“I’ll send you a message every morning. ‘Morning baby, I miss you, also remember to let your coffee cool down first, love you’” Magnus didn’t even care that he was teasing him because just the mention of good morning texts made tears spring from his eyes. This was really happening.

“I would love nothing more,” Magnus leaned in for more kisses, but Alec dodged right. “Hey!” Magnus protested.

“Your tongue.”

“I don’t care, I haven’t kissed you in 2 years, a burnt tongue certainly isn’t going to stop me.”

“Well then, who am I to deny you,” He grinned that beautiful smile Magnus had missed, eye crinkles and all and kissed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda sad to say goodbye to these two but I really enjoyed writing this little series. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as well. Thanks to everyone who's commented or live-tweeted. It means a lot and keeps me going.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you liked it and if so what you liked about it. 
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


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